20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
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