fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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