If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
