Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
my god I love twenty year old dicks
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
