I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
