i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
