I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
