Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
