He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Randomize
