My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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