Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
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