It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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