i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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