i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
