I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
