I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
