Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
