i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
