Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
He? As in you personified your dick?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
