I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
