the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
