hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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