The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
