can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
