I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
