So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
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