you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
