I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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