I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
