I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
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