If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I think I sprained my soul last night
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
