I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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