my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I am available for nakedness
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
