i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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