Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Randomize
