If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
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