did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
