I'm so fucking centered right now
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
