It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
