he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
