??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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