i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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