Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
