oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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