Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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