wakey wakey hands off snakey
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
