I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
