Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
The struggles of a small town man whore
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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