so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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