i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I just got carded by a ten year old.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
