no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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