Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
